Priest Discovers that Pain is not Punishment
(Published in the Catholic Times February 15, 2009)
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As Father Bill Hahn Pastor of St Peter
Chillicothe and St Mary Waverly parishes
reclined in the 747 on his way to New
Mexico, he closed his eyes and
envisioned the retreat he was about to
lead as chaplain.  He knew it would be
different from any other retreat.  He
would be in a remote part of the country,
in the backwoods of the Gila National
forest.  He would be working along side
young men rebuilding trails for the forest
service.  He would celebrate Mass out of
doors, amidst God’s creation.  











For those 11 days, Father Hahn and 9
men shed their inordinate attachments.  
To the busy life, to cell phones, to all of
the amenities that we enjoy in the modern
life such as delicious food, water from a
tap, flush toilets.  The asceticism may
seem to extreme to many, but to these
men it was essential to step away, like
John the Baptist, to go into the wilderness
and make straight the path of the Lord.  It
was essential for their spiritual growth.  
He imagined himself, on the mountain,
among cathedral-high trees, looking out
across the landscape to see a better view
of life, himself, and the future that God
had in store for him.  The weight of his
backpack symbolized the weight of the
responsibilities, concerns and distractions
of everyday life, the weight that he longed
to shed for 11 days so he could draw
closer to Our Lord.
The expedition began with 8 miles of trail
that was blocked by fallen trees.  The
only way to get back in to the forest was
to backpack and carry tents, sleeping
bags and the hand tools and food and
water that they would need to do the
work for the US Forest Service.  Not even
horse packers could penetrate the forest
at this location.  So after being certified in
cross cut sawing the men set off and
hiked.

After two days of hiking and grueling
work, Father Hahn felt the pain.  Searing
pain at his heal.  A burning, raw type
pain:  “I found myself weak and
vulnerable”, I was at a point that I could
not hike or work.  I felt like I, as a man,  
was letting down my band of brothers.  I
had to struggle with the masculine concept
of self worth, of contributing to the team.  
What I thought was an obstacle was really
a blessing.














My band of brothers surrounded me with
support and encouragement.  They had an
authentic spirituality that lifted me.  And
when I celebrated Mass I could feel their
reverence.  These men are moving quite
far in their spiritual path and it was a
privilege for me to be able to bring the
sacraments to them in the wilderness.
















This experience was a victory.  The
victory of staying back and not working
and  staying in prayer with our Lord.  And
that is why my tool is the cross, it is the
tool of suffering, and a tool of
joy…because it is from Christ that I
received the grace to endeavor in His
work.”
My desire was to work side by side
these men, my brothers.  However,
through quiet listening in prayer I
discerned that God’s work for me was to
be Chaplain. That in order to sustain my
brothers I had to remain in prayer and
the only way God could get that through
to me was to allow me to have these
blisters.  So, I became more open to
God and through the work of the Holy
Spirit I was able to serve Him and the
men.
Not every man or priest is designed for
this experience, but if you are it gives you
an opportunity to retreat to the
mountains, to simplify life, to get away
from the artificiality of the world, to be
with a band of brothers, to be a spiritual
father.  It also helps you grow in your
own masculinity.  During seminary, you
have a band of brothers that challenges
you physically, intellectually, and
spiritually.  As a priest moves into the
parish, the need for this camaraderie
does not diminish.