Wilderness Outreach

Wilderness Expedition Reveals to

Priest that Pain is not Punishment

(Published in the Catholic Times February 15, 2009)

As Father Bill Hahn Pastor of St Peter Chillicothe and St Mary Waverly parishes reclined in the 747 on his way to New Mexico, he closed his eyes and envisioned the retreat he was about to lead as chaplain.  He knew it would be different from any other retreat.  He would be in a remote part of the country, in the backwoods of the Gila National forest.  He would be working along side young men rebuilding trails for the forest service.  He would celebrate Mass out of doors, amidst God’s creation.  He imagined himself, on the mountain, among cathedral-high trees, looking out across the landscape to see a better view of life, himself, and the future that God had in store for him.  The weight of his backpack symbolized the weight of the responsibilities, concerns and distractions of everyday life, the weight that he longed to shed for 11 days so he could draw closer to Our Lord.

For those 11 days, Father Hahn and 9 men shed their inordinate attachments.  To the busy life, to cell phones, to all of the amenities that we enjoy in the modern life such as delicious food, water from a tap, flush toilets.  The asceticism may seem to extreme to many, but to these men it was essential to step away, like John the Baptist, to go into the wilderness and make straight the path of the Lord.  It was essential for their spiritual growth. 

The expedition began with 8 miles of trail that was blocked by fallen trees.  The only way to get back in to the forest was to backpack and carry tents, sleeping bags and the hand tools and food and water that they would need to do the work for the US Forest Service.  Not even horse packers could penetrate the forest at this location.  So after being certified in cross cut sawing the men set off and hiked. 

After two days of hiking and grueling work, Father Hahn felt the pain.  Searing pain at his heal.  A burning, raw type pain:  “I found myself weak and vulnerable”, I was at a point that I could not hike or work.  I felt like I, as a man,  was letting down my band of brothers.  I had to struggle with the masculine concept of self worth, of contributing to the team.  What I thought was an obstacle was really a blessing.  My desire was to work side by side these men, my brothers.  However, through quiet listening in prayer I discerned that God’s work for me was to be Chaplain. That in order to sustain my brothers I had to remain in prayer and the only way God could get that through to me was to allow me to have these blisters.  So, I became more open to God and through the work of the Holy Spirit I was able to serve Him and the men.

My band of brothers surrounded me with support and encouragement.  They had an authentic spirituality that lifted me.  And when I celebrated Mass I could feel their reverence.  These men are moving quite far in their spiritual path and it was a privilege for me to be able to bring the sacraments to them in the wilderness.

Not every man or priest is designed for this experience, but if you are it gives you an opportunity to retreat to the mountains, to simplify life, to get away from the artificiality of the world, to be with a band of brothers, to be a spiritual father.  It also helps you grow in your own masculinity.  During seminary, you have a band of brothers that challenges you physically, intellectually, and spiritually.  As a priest moves into the parish, the need for this camaraderie does not diminish. 

This experience was a victory.  The victory of staying back and not working and  staying in prayer with our Lord.  And that is why my tool is the cross, it is the tool of suffering, and a tool of joy…because it is from Christ that I received the grace to endeavor in His work.”

The Altar of Work, The Altar of Sacrifice

(Published in the Catholic Times February 22, 2009)

“They deliberated what might be done with the altar of holocausts that had been desecrated.  The happy thought came to them to tear it down, lest it be a lasting shame to them that the Gentiles had defiled it; so they tore down the altar.  They stored the stones in a suitable place on the temple hill, until a prophet should come and decide what to do with them.  Then they took uncut stones, according to the law, and built a new altar like the former one.” 

Macabees Chapter 4

The first and most important act that occurs during a Wilderness Outreach expedition is the locating of the sanctuary and building the altar on that spot.  The location is picked because it feels right, it faces east and has a profound view. Then the work of building the Altar begins. It proceeds with minimal discussion and debate. Each man participates in finding logs or rocks to build this holy structure. Some materials are chosen, some are not. Sometimes some of the Altar is removed and re-built. It is a silent, respect-filled endeavor.  This will be the altar of sacrifice, where for a week, the men will come to daily Mass after a long day of back-breaking work.  The altar is where they offer their sacrifice of  work and suffering and receive nourishment of the Body and Blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ. 

And miracles do occur in the process of building this altar.  During the trip to the High Sierras in 2007, the base of the altar had been laid….all individually selected, hand placed stones.  The strongest men of the team had found a 400 pound stone for the Mensa, but the team could not lift it.  They gave up to look for a less weighty stone. 

Justin Bennett , one of the youngest of the group, refused to give up on the stone, approached it and with the determination of a power lifter picked one end of the stone up to his waist. He challenged his brothers “C’mon men”!.  With Justin’s urging the stone was lifted and then carried and placed on the foundation of the altar.

Another miracle occurred at Divide Lake in the Idaho Panhandle National Forest  in August of 2008.  After the men reached and set up base camp Father Coning announced that a place for the Sanctuary and the Altar was needed and it needed to be a spiritual place a place for God. Jeff McKenna’s eye was drawn to a ridge about 600 feet above the base camp.  He petitioned the men one at a time. Some liked the idea, but others didn’t. It would mean climbing another 600 feet at the end each day of backbreaking trail work. Finally Jeff convinced all the men to walk up to the ridge top together and look at the site. When the men arrived together with Father it was obvious. Father announced “This is the location of our Sanctuary and where we will build the Altar”. It was a beautiful setting framed by lodge pole pines on the south, a rock knoll on the west (perfect for sanctuary seating), Bald Mountain on the north and view of 50 miles to the east. The next morning the men began building the Altar. On the way out of base camp it was discovered that Steve Petesch, of the US Forest Service, was Catholic and he was invited to help build Altar.  Each man started searching for, carrying and placing rocks in the Altar. Steve went off to search for his stone.  He spied a large flat stone.  When he picked the stone up he realized that there was a biblical verse, John 3:17, written on the underside.

“For God sent not his Son into the world

to condemn the world

but that the world through Him

might be Saved”

Steve had found a stone that was written on by “The Shepherd” who roamed the mountains of Idaho , in the late 19^th and early 20^th centuries. Most of the “Shepherd’s” Biblical rock paintings had been lost to the ravages of weather and time. The legend of the shepherd had actually placed him about 30 miles from this location. Could “The Shepherd” have ever imagined that his silent prayer and writing would someday be incorporated into an outdoor altar and sanctuary?

As is customary at the end of a Wilderness Outreach expedition, the altar was respectfully dismantled placing each stone back into its natural setting. Steve also returned the “Shepherd’s Rock” in the same place he found it, face down, protected and hidden from the elements but forever treasured in the hearts and memories of the Wilderness Outreach Idaho Band of Brothers.

The men of Wilderness Outreach are rocks of faith, they are the foundation upon which the church of the future is being built….with Christ as the cornerstone.

The Witness of Wilderness Outreach

Well Dave, the Church is Coming to You

(Published in the Catholic Times March 8, 2009)

The foundation and purpose of Wilderness Outreach is to provide men with the opportunity to explore and discover masculine spirituality through work, survival, adventure, and worship, in a wilderness environment, far from the conveniences and comfort of everyday life.  It was not envisioned with a missionary or evangelism purpose.  However, we have found that without trying, Catholic men  who participate in Wilderness Outreach to rebuild trails for the United States Forest Service, are ambassadors of faith, strength and hope.  Others are encountering them as they work and pray in the wilderness.

John Bradford had been working with Dave Warnack from the Forest Service to organize a project in the high mountain

Other less profound, but not less important witnessing has occurred during these expeditions:

• A Catholic couple was hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and came upon the seminarian work crew. As the couple and seminarians talked their mutual depth of faith surfaced. They prayed together and Father Hoover blessed them and their journey
• At the conclusion of the Gila expedition the men wanted to have a couple days of rest. Dave Warnack connected the men with his cousin, Father Flores, the Vocations Director for the Las Cruces Diocese. Father Flores offered to put the team in host family houses and invited them to his going away party on Saturday night.  All the preparations for the party were made in a large field outside the church and school when a violent storm blew in.  The team of men sprang into action and moved all the tables, chairs, food and band into the school cafeteria moments before the storm hit. At the end of the evening the men cleaned up and returned the cafeteria to its original condition. Father Flores, the host families and the Wilderness Outreach men were Godsends for one another.
• Two young women Christian Scientists were hiking alone on the pacific Crest Trail.  They had heard from others that somewhere on the trail a crew of seminarians was rebuilding the trail.  On their journey south from Yosemite they ran into Adam Boyden and Paul Baum.  As the four talked the young women told the men about a group of seminarians they had heard were working on the trail. “That’s us” the men replied.  The two were invited back to camp for dinner and were astounded to see such hardworking, respectful men….something they had not experienced in their relationships with other men.
• At the conclusion of the Idaho trip, Pat Hart manager of Trails and Recreation of the Idaho Pan Handle National Forest asked the men to come back again next year. Upon accepting Pat’s offer she stated “I jumped for joy and was dancing around my office”. At the conclusion of the Idaho expedition Pat told the men that they were one of the best volunteer groups she has ever had. “It is because you are religious and come here to test yourself and pray together. That is what makes you so good”
• Tony Cortez is a volunteer crew leader for the High Sierra Trail Crew. Tony’s secular volunteer crew was in camp when Wilderness Outreach arrived and started building the Altar of Sacrifice for Mass. Tony observed and wondered. The next morning he asked one of the Wilderness Outreach Men what denomination they were. Catholic, was the reply. Tony reached out his hand and said “I am Catholic also and would be proud to be part of your crew next year”. Tony will be joining the Wilderness Outreach crew in the High Sierra in the summer of 2009.

Do I Have What it Takes?: Catholic Men Confront “The Question”

On Wilderness Outreach Expeditions

(Published in the Catholic Times March 1, 2009)

“As a man, I am always looking for a challenge to see if I “have what it takes”.  This was the constant theme throughout Wilderness Outreach 2008, says Ryan Anthony , Seminarian from the Diocese of Kalamazoo Michigan.  “Do I have what it takes? This was the question of the week.  Every man was tested.  His strength was tested, his faith was tested, his courage was tested, his endurance was tested.  All of us shared in each others struggles and we, as a band of brothers, picked each other up when we felt we could go no further.  Each of us was tested in a unique and personal way.  God knows us through and through and the evil one knows our vulnerabilities be it pride, or envy, sloth or lust, anger or indifference.”

A brother seminarian, Andrew Jacobs, had never been backpacking, especially in the wilderness.  He had to acquire boots, backpack, and a tent.  But what he didn’t have to acquire was courage and determination.  As Andrew and the rest of the team hiked into the Sierra Nevada Mountains , in California, for the work project with the forest service, the elevation and difficulty of the hike in became more and more intense.  It was a 10 mile hike to base camp carrying 45 pounds from 7,000 feet above sea level to 9’500 feet above sea level. The air was thin and the terrain was rough.  You could look over the edge of the trail that was switching back and forth along the granite mountain side and see a 500 foot drop off.  Andrew was pushing his body past the limits of his endurance….and this was the first day, this was the hike into camp!  Eventually the altitude took its toll, and making it even worse Andrew fell in a creek up to his knees in snow melt water.  John and Matt hung back with Andrew. “I am not sure if I can make it” Andrew stated. “Oh, you are going to make it alright” said John “Its early and we have all day and were not in a hurry.” John traded packs with Andrew and Matt took some of his weight. After 20 minutes of rest Andrew was feeling better and ready to go. Mean while three other seminarians made it to base camp, dropped their gear and headed back down the trail to help Andrew. When they arrived they took Andrew’s backpack and took turns carrying his gear up to base camp. Though he was still exhausted this lifted Andrew’s spirits. As the week wore on Andrew became stronger and stronger and his self confidence, physical and spiritual stamina was visibly growing. A few days later at the end of one full day of grueling work, three of the men were racing one another down the mountain to base camp. However there was a fourth pushing them from behind. It was Andrew. And he had a big smile on his face.

On the Gila National Forest Wilderness Outreach expedition, Chris Miller, a seminarian at St John Vianney in Saint Paul Minnesota, hit the wall as well. “Initially, I had no idea what to expect going on the retreat. I knew a few of the guys we were going with, that we would be camping in the mountains doing some kind of manual labor and hiking to where we needed to go. As a former college basketball player, I have had many experiences pushing my body to its limits. Never had I done this before. Everyday in the mountains, we worked long hours clearing trails and hiking miles at a time with around 40lbs on our backs. In that time I lost nearly 13 lbs over the 7 days. I really prefer things to be cut and dry, and this trip was the furthest thing from cut and dry. We essentially had to make due with what was placed before us on a day to day basis, whether this was transporting 40lb water jugs on foot 3 miles down the trail or running out of water, and then finding a spring in a remote place on the side of a mountain in order to quench our thirst and continue with the work. To say the least, the knowledge I had coming in did not prepare me mentally or physically for what I experienced in the mountains. The theme of the retreat was “Ora et Labora”, prayer and work. As brothers in Christ, did we ever work! Reflecting on the retreat months later, I realized that if I had been better grounded in personal prayer during the retreat, I could have born the trials better by offering them with Christ to the Father.  In this way, the retreat became a microcosm of life. In my life, if I maintain my daily prayer, I am able to share in the mystery of our Faith and suffer with joy, but if I do not hold up my end of the bargain with personal prayer, I become miserable without a solution for the weight of the world. After reflecting more on the retreat, I recognized a certain power that I had not quite seen before in the daily mass.  Receiving Christ daily gave me that extra strength to give myself in the work and prayer. In addition, there is not anything quite like participating in mass on a mountain top with a beautiful sunset in the background.

I would also like to mention the importance of spending time with a group of men fighting in the same battle of life that I am. It was incredibly encouraging for me to see other men take their faith so seriously and to see the fruit of their faith in the kindness they showed and their perseverance in the hard work. In addition, when men work together towards a common goal, there is not only a sense of accomplishment, but there is a dynamic that begins to build each individual up. “As iron sharpens iron, so will one man sharpen another” (Proverbs 27:17). As a result of this dynamic that formed on the trip, each man was able to come away with a better grasp of himself in his strengths and weaknesses. And in this knowledge can a man grow as a person. I certainly learned much about myself on the trip, and I found the encouragement and challenges from the other men helped to improve me as a man. I am excited to have the opportunity to go on another Wilderness Outreach retreat this summer.”

Wilderness Outreach: An Adventure in Masculine Spirituality

(Published in the Catholic Times March15, 2009)

A number of women have asked me, “When are you going to do a Wilderness Outreach for Women”----and my reply is, “Well, Wilderness Outreach is about masculine spirituality….and then I begin to explain:

Today’s men and boys are steeped in female culture.  Their teachers are female, many young men have been raised by women, and the father is absent.  The media is highly sexualized and in our consumer culture men are encouraged to over indulge in alcohol, food, sex.  The current portrayal of a man in secular culture is either a barbarian or a wimp, a man of extreme violence or a buffoon, rather than a wise, strong, compassionate leader.

So, in order to counteract this, I take groups of young and older men to the wilderness, to the back country to complete projects for the US Forest Service and to worship and pray.  Men develop relationships silently, through working, competing and suffering side by side----not by having talk groups and sharing their emotions, as women do.  We build trust and bonds through taking risks together, sharing in the pain, watching one another’s backs, and helping or challenging our brother when he is physically or spiritually suffering.

We built bonds, deep bonds in Idaho

working side by side in the unrelenting rain.

We prayed the rosary together in the High Sierras when we barely could get one foot in front of the other as we hiked to our work location every morning at 7am, 3 miles away and 1,500 feet in vertical elevation gain. And still we raced one another to the top.  We suffered together in the Gila National Forest

, while we ate the same freeze dried food day after day and when our water filters failed….and there was no easy way out, we improvised, prayed and survived by the Power of the Holy Spirit.  We built bonds by admitting our fears---of the mountain lion laying in wait at the water hole and of admitting to our personal pride of wanting to be the strongest, toughest guy out there.  We even build bonds when we laugh about the challenges of not bathing for days on end and the joy of using a hand made latrine in the forest.

I imagine that bonds like these were forged among Jesus and the Apostles.  They most likely slept on the ground and had little food and faced rejection.  We need to build men that can lead our church and our families so that our parents, wives, children, parishioners, priest and bishop can rely on us to provide and protect them. So that they have confidence in us because we have discovered that  “we have what it takes”.